Ever since my results came out , I've been rather neutral about things . Somehow my results were just 20% disappointment & 80% okay . The only thing I worried about was whether I'd be accepted into a good college or not . I mean , it doesn't matter where I start , as long as I had the chance to start SOMEWHERE . I had many nights consisting of tears , fears & long thoughts . No one understood why I was so depressed . They thought I was being ridiculous & unreasonable .
Problem was , to me it didn't seem ridiculous or unreasonable . No one understood my insecurities . I didn't want to be working at a franchise as a service crew or whatever (no offence to those who are currently doing it) . I was afraid . I was terrified .
So the other day my dad & I narrowed down the colleges that were suitable that were Tunku Abdul Rahman College or University & SEGI . We went for SEGI's open day , spoke to the counselor & lets just say , it didn't go so well .
So OBVIOUSLY , everyone in my family was like " Go to TARC/UTAR , its better there " . My dad & I went to the open day at UTAR & went for the TARC booth ask my dad asked many questions . It took quite awhile & the lady said that there will be a whole week dedicated to application submissions . We went there on last Wednesday if I'm not mistaken & submitted my application .
The only thing to do after that , was WAIT . I hate waiting . It drives me nuts . All I could think in my head was : "Omg what if I don't get it" "What am I going to do with my life?!"
Then the days went by & I decided to read about the courses (even thought I already applied for a course) , the campuses & etc . When I came across my course that I'd be taking for the first year & four months , I realized that it was being offered at Perak , Johor , Sabah , Pahang & etc EXCEPT KUALA LUMPUR . Oh the shit . The first thing I said to myself was : "What the shit ? Its not in the main campus in Setapak , KL but everywhere else in Malaysia ? Are you seriously doing this to me...." . Thats when my real & serious depression started kicking in .
I'd be leaving behind my city lifestyle , my high-fashion clothes , boyfriend , friends & most importantly my family . I honestly feel so bloody uncomfortable with living somewhere far away from my family , especially my mum . It really sucks . I worry about my mum 24/7 . I just don't know what to do .
Accept the change ? I have to . I can't not accept it .
I've been checking my application status every single bloody day . And today I did my daily check on the status & guess what I saw :
I was terribly shocked . Literally . I can't even express how happy yet sad I was . My beautiful nightmare was coming true . Don't get me wrong . I am happy and grateful but sad at the same time to be leaving a whole lot of my life here in KL .
I just cried my eyeballs out & my boyfriend said "Tak bersyukur ke dapat sambung belajar?" . I'm not being ungrateful , just afraid of the drastic changes like being away from my mum and family . It sucks but its something I have to do no matter what . But either way , I am terribly grateful to God & my family . Btw , my family's reaction was "Good , Love you" THANKS GUYS I LOVE YOU TOO .
I'll be leaving on the 26th I suppose cause orientation is on the 27th if I'm not mistaken . I have about 10 days left here in KL so I shall be appreciating every moment . I sound like I'm going to die or something but 1 year & 4 months is a really long time .
I hope you all will pray for my success & that everything will go as smooth as possible .
Till then ,
V
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